


Soothsaying is a messy business

by Nival_Vixen



Series: Word of the day [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Car Sex, Complete, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski in Love, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Minor Allison Argent/Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall, Multi, Oblivious Scott, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sheriff Stilinski Finds Out About Derek/Stiles Relationship, Smut, Spanking, Underwear Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:53:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1646069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nival_Vixen/pseuds/Nival_Vixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek manages to get cock-blocked by a dead chicken twice in less than half an hour. He and Stiles don't want to risk a third time, and escape (from both the chicken and the Sheriff) in Stiles' Jeep.</p><p>The fact that Derek's wearing nothing but a pair of Stiles' Batman briefs should be embarrassing, but it leads to car sex, so Derek can't really bring himself to mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soothsaying is a messy business

**Author's Note:**

> Word of the day: soothsay

"Do you really need the dead chicken to be here right now, Stiles?" Scott asked with a wince.

"Hey, you want me to soothsay your love life for you, then you can deal with the smell of a dead chicken for a few minutes. I don't even want to know where you got this thing from, by the way," Stiles added, frowning at Scott.

Scott flushed red and muttered something about his neighbour's chicken coop and foxes.

"Now, I'll need the chicken's blood and bones, according to this," Stiles said, looking at a leather-bound book on his desk. "Can I borrow your claws?"

Scott shook his head, looking green around the edges. "No, I've changed my mind. It's okay. I... I'm just gonna go now," he said, running out of Stiles' room before he could reply.

When he heard the front door slam and Scott's motorbike start up and tear off down the street, Stiles started laughing. He laughed so hard that he was actually crying, and when his closet door opened a few seconds later, Stiles was kneeling on the floor with tears running down his cheeks. Derek, clad in nothing but a very revealing pair of Batman briefs, just shook his head at his boyfriend and took the dead chicken down to the kitchen. He'd clean it later for dinner, but for now, he wanted to finish what Scott had so rudely interrupted.

Stiles had calmed down by the time Derek returned to the bedroom. He'd cleaned up the feathers that had fallen to the floor, and by the smell of the room, scrubbed his desk clean with an orange-scented cleaning agent. Derek wrinkled his nose at the overpowering smell, and Stiles gave him an apologetic look.

"Sorry, I know it's a bit much. How about we go to the guest room until my room's aired out?" Stiles suggested.

Derek nodded, thankful for the alternative, and let Stiles lead him to the guest room down the hall.

"I'm surprised that Scott didn't realise that you were wearing my shirt," Derek muttered.

"I'm more surprised he didn't hear you hiding in my closet. Or smell the sex in the room. But then, that's probably normal for my room," Stiles admitted with a smug grin.

Derek just nodded in agreement; Stiles always seemed to smell like  _want_  and  _need_  and  _sex_ , and his room was no different.

"So, what was the chicken thing about?"

"Scott found a spell in a book to predict the future of someone's love life. Unfortunately, since it was in Latin, he only recognised the word chicken and didn't bother translating the rest of the spell until he brought it over to me. He must really want some sort of direction with Isaac and Allison. Maybe I should just tell him to hook up with both of them and let it play out," Stiles mused.

"Hmm, and what does the soothsayer say about our love life?" Derek asked, backing Stiles up against a wall and pressing his body to his.

"Good things, very good things. Lots of sex, talking, cuddling, sex, movie nights, pizza, more sex."

"I think I'm starting to see a theme here," Derek said with a grin, lowering his head to capture Stiles' mouth with his own.

Stiles responded immediately, wrapping his arms around Derek's neck, basically climbing Derek's body to wrap his legs around his waist and grind down against him.

He was so focused on Stiles, on his mouth, his hands, his body, his hips, his cock, his little noises that he seemed to make without even realising, that Derek didn't hear the Sheriff arrive home.

"Stiles! Why's there a dead chicken in the kitchen sink?"

Derek groaned, resting his forehead on the door next to Stiles' head, listening to his boyfriend pant softly. "I refuse to be cock-blocked by that damn chicken for a third time."

"We can sneak out of here and go to your place," Stiles offered, looking over to the window.

"We've only got one set of clothing between us, Stiles."

"Like anyone would care if you were wandering the neighbourhood naked. In fact, you'd probably get the key to the town," Stiles scoffed.

"Stiles? Are you home?" John called.

Stiles looked at Derek imploringly, and he sighed softly, stepping back with a nod. Stiles grinned, pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and hurried over to the window. Derek jumped out first, and watched in horror as Stiles kind of threw himself into the tree's branches. Derek caught him as he dropped towards the ground, and Stiles grinned at him broadly.

" _My hero_."

"Your hero's going to spank your reckless ass for throwing yourself out of the window like that," Derek growled.

Stiles seemed very interested in that idea, and if it wasn't for the fact that the Sheriff was still looking for Stiles, he probably would have shown Derek just how interested he was.

"C'mon, let's get out of here before he checks outside," Stiles murmured, taking Derek's hand and running for the Jeep.

Derek started it with his claw, ducking down when the Sheriff ran outside with the dead chicken in his hands, and Stiles yelped, pulling back out of the driveway before he could be stopped.

"If we get pulled over by anyone from the station, we're going to say that you're having a fit of insanity, okay?"

"Why does it have to be me?" Derek asked.

"Because you're the one outside in Batman underwear," Stiles replied, glancing at his briefs with a smirk. "Oh, and I don't think I've had a chance to tell you just how hot I find you wearing my briefs."

"Yeah, wait 'til we get home, then you can show me," Derek said, his clawed hand resting high on Stiles' thigh.

Stiles almost drove off the road in response, his hips hitching forward. "I don't think I'll be able to wait that long."

"Turn up here," Derek said, nodding to a dirt road that led a short way into the forest.

Stiles did as instructed, and when they were hidden from the rest of the road, Derek leaned over to kiss him heatedly. Stiles scrambled to get his seatbelt off, his pants opening a second later, and Derek physically lifted him and pulled Stiles onto his lap. Stiles didn't waste any time, pulling their hard cocks out of their confines, slicking his hand with saliva and stroking them together in his firm grip. Derek kissed each of his moles before moving to bite his shoulder through his shirt, his teeth blunt, but the intent still there. Then, reminded of his earlier threat, Derek slipped his hands down the back of Stiles' pants, grabbing his ass and digging his fingers into the flesh there.

"Fuck, Derek. God, fuck," Stiles groaned, his head resting on Derek's forehead as he drew him in for another kiss.

Derek kissed him eagerly, tilting his hips up into Stiles' grip, and with a swift motion, he pulled his hands out of Stiles' pants and gave his ass a firm slap. Stiles gasped into his mouth in surprise, and came a second later, spurts of come covering his hand and their cocks. Derek came a few seconds later as Stiles bit against his neck and rubbed his ass back against his palms wantonly.

"Oh, fuck. You're going to have to take me home and we're going to do more of the spanking thing. Lots more," Stiles said, shivering in anticipation at the thought alone.

"Mm, how's your ass?" Derek asked, caressing his ass cheek slowly.

"Tingling. All of me is, in fact. It feels good," Stiles admitted, tugging at his soft cock and smearing their come on his fingers.

Derek watched as Stiles licked his fingers clean, slowly and obscenely, neither one looking away from each other.

"You know what I've decided?" Stiles asked when he was finally clean.

"What?" Derek asked, rubbing circles on Stiles' back gently.

"We don't need any fortune teller bullshit to tell us what our future's going to be like together," Stiles said certainly. "We're going to make it together."

"Sounds good to me," Derek murmured, drawing him in for a slow and languid kiss.

"Yeah, it does. But that means we have to let everyone know that we're together, 'cause I don't know about you, but if anyone tried to hit on you while I was around, I'd probably lose my shit," Stiles admitted.

Derek completely and utterly agreed with that sentiment. Even if it meant they had to go back to the Stilinski residence and tell the Sheriff after they'd just run away from him.

"All right, we'll go back to your place and let your father know first. But you're explaining the thing about the chicken," Derek added.

"Pretty sure the chicken's going to be the easy part," Stiles said with a laugh.

He pressed another kiss to Derek's lips, his tongue swiping against his briefly before Stiles moved back over to the driver's seat. Stiles made a point of touching Derek as much as he could on the way back to the Stilinski residence, but it wasn't until they'd pulled into the driveway that Derek finally seemed to realise he was about to face his boyfriend's father while wearing nothing but Batman underwear.

 _Fuck, the things he did for Stiles_.

(Surprisingly, the Sheriff was more concerned about the dead chicken than Stiles' relationship with Derek.)

...

The end.

Thanks for reading!


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